Processing Capacity, Not Events: Revolutionizing How We Define and Understand Trauma

Your Trauma Therapist by Lauren Auer, LCPC is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. For more content follow me on Instagram.

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"So am I traumatized or not?"

She sat across from me, eyes searching mine for validation, her voice quiet but steady. "Everyone throws around that word these days, and I don't know if what happened to me counts."

This question follows me everywhere—from therapy sessions to podcast interviews to late-night DM responses. As someone who identifies professionally as a "trauma therapist," I've become a magnet for this particular inquiry.

"I saw your post about trauma responses," a direct message might begin. "I've always wondered if what happened to me would be considered trauma."

Or during a podcast interview: "Before we dive in, could you define trauma for our listeners? It seems like the word is everywhere these days."

For years, I've offered the definition I was taught: "Trauma is anything that is too much too quickly, too much too often, or not enough for too long."

This explanation served me well initially. It captured the shock of sudden tragedy, the erosion of ongoing abuse, and the hollow ache of neglect. It was flexible enough to honor diverse experiences while specific enough to be meaningful.

But something vital was missing.

When One Event Creates Different Realities

I witnessed this gap vividly during my internship at a juvenile detention facility. One afternoon in the cafeteria, a fist fight erupted between two detainees. What struck me wasn't the fight itself, but the wildly different responses from everyone in the room.