When "Good Vibes" Go Bad: The Dangers of Toxic Positivity

Why Authentic Emotional Expression Matters More Than Ever

Your Therapist by Lauren Auer, LCPC is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

---

"Good vibes" are nice and all… until they aren’t. I vividly remember the moment this realization hit me. I was standing in an impossibly long line at the post office, clutching a care package meant for my husband, who was deployed in the Middle East. My six-month-old son, strapped to my chest in a baby carrier, was not thrilled with the wait. He squirmed and fussed, his wails growing louder as the minutes dragged on. I could feel the eyes of other patrons on me, their silent judgment adding to the weight of my exhaustion.

When I finally reached the front of the line, the woman at the desk noticed the patriotic package and the foreign address. With a warm smile, she asked, “How long has your spouse been deployed?” “Eight months,” I replied, my voice barely audible over my son’s cries. I bounced him gently, hoping to soothe him, but my own frustration was mounting.

The woman’s smile widened as she said, “Well, at least the deployment should be over soon.” I knew she was genuinely trying to be kind and encouraging, so why did I suddenly have the urge to flip this woman the bird? (I didn’t, of course, but the feeling was there.)

In that moment, her words of encouragement left me feeling more alone and desperate than ever. It got me thinking about why we are so quick to offer pleasantries in situations where difficult emotions are being shown. Instead of feeling comforted, I felt invalidated. The reality of my struggles—the sleepless nights, the constant worry, the overwhelming loneliness—was brushed aside in favor of a superficial reassurance. This experience opened my eyes to the pervasive nature of toxic positivity and the damage it can do when we fail to acknowledge and validate the true depth of someone’s pain.

Understanding Toxic Positivity

Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how awful or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset. While this may sound like decent advice and can be feasible at times, more often than not, it leads to feelings of invalidation or dismissal for the person seeking support. Toxic positivity creates a destructive pattern of dealing with normal human emotions, ignores basic human responses, and minimizes any emotion that isn’t positive. This response not only sends the message that emotions should be suppressed but can also be incredibly damaging to relationships. It's highly unlikely that others will feel safe being open and expressing their emotions around you if they fear being dismissed or told that “it’ll all work out.”